settling in between

Because there is a stack of boxes I need to break down and take outside, but there's a puppy who likes to snuggle on the couch before I leave him for work.

I think sometimes about the ability to do everything you need to do in a day, and the fact that it rarely gets accomplished. I can't remember the last time I made a list of things to do for the day or the week and actually crossed off everything on time. Generally, it's more like a wish list.

"things I wish I would have the energy to do after getting home from work."

Another area I settle in between is in my relationship, but it's not what you think. I am settled in between feeling safe and happy. My boyfriend makes me feel loved.

This is a new statement. I roll it over in my mind a few times every hour. This man thinks hard about presents and gives me a cooking school lesson - because one time he "remembered you saying it was on your bucket list. right?" and a whittled heart. Because it's his new hobby and the first project was for me.

I roll it over in my head but I don't think too hard. I'm scared to hold on to tight to these thoughts, scared my usual thought process will squelch the happiness. It's a thought I taste twice an hour, let it pass through, smile and go on to work or laundry or dishes.

But it's such a thought to have. It's such a nice place to rest.

If you can give yourself to someone, than you should.

for the closing of a year

"Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal."

My good friend posted a link to this Relevant article this morning, and as I read it while cleaning my house and putting away Christmas decorations -- this verse reverberated inside of me.

This season is about becoming.

Another good friend and I discussed New Year's Resolutions and she said that she was going to choose a word and try to embody that word in 2012. Naturally, that also semeed like a good idea for me. 

As my boyfriend and I were driving home the other night, I was telling him about this idea - the resolution to choose a thing, a word, and become that word. I said, guess what word I chose? and without hesitation, he said 

"Grace."

Talk about knowing a person.

So, as 2012 opens up before me I choose to embrace this season of becoming and try my hardest to become gracious. Filled with grace. Show grace. 

Happy, Happy New Year!

for the sister who looks cuter in your clothes than you do...

the one who smiles your same smile but has a different nose,

 who sparkles gracefully in pointe shoes, 

who shares the same immature taste in movies, 

the one who finds a way to love you no matter how much you leave. 

Above all, love each other deeply

1 Peter 4:8 

when suddenly you notice

When suddenly you notice you had not noticed the trees were yellow and orange, rather than green. And shocked, you follow the leash in your hand down to the puppy in your care and you realize you have quite quickly turned into what you wanted to be.
When suddenly you notice you are busy and overwhelmed and your inbox is almost full while you have 13 drafts saved that need to be sent today for answers. And shocked, you follow your thoughts back, back into the near past when you thought your whole life would always remain twirling around papers and weekends and football games.
When suddenly you notice the blue eyes that belong to the more than six feet of human are the exact eyes that make you go whoa after a long day. And shocked, you feel every tingle as you get the hug that your body and soul have been craving for a very, very long time.
When suddenly you notice that after more than a year of near-constant worry and sadness, tears haven't fallen down your face in multiple months.

And shocked, you realize when you search for happiness you'll very often find it.

the words to rest on

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Colossians 3:12-14

here is where your heart belongs

Sometimes we work very hard to stay even with the day, to cross the things off, to come home at night and feel like you completed the day. Sometimes, we forget it isn't ours to finish.

Sometimes I cry for no reason, watching a commercial or reading a verse. Sometimes, I want someone to hug me, but then I realize what I want is my soul to be still.

So here, in the month of Grace, rain, leaves and wind, here, I want to learn how to find comfort on the inside so that I don't need someone on the outside. Needing someone isn't the same as loving someone.

Needing God is the same as loving God. Same goes for yourself.

television season

I am aware that it is football season, which I do love. I do love crisp fall air and loud yells and the endless repeat of boomer sooner from the stands.

But there's another season and it's one that gets a bad reputation for promoting laziness or generally being bad for you---

MY SHOWS ARE BACK!

I don't care, I'll own this. My TV tastes are less than refined. I love Teen Mom. I DVR Melissa & Joey every week. Grey's Anatomy and Parenthood are my go to roma-dramas.

But the best, by far, is The Ellen DeGeneres show.

She is the most joyous human of them all. She is kind and generous. She is hilarious. She has good guests and funny segments.

She says things like, "the whole is greater than the sum of anyone's parts" and "be kind to one another."

I love three seasons: Autumn, football and television.

Good thing all three start now. Happiness comes from the simple joys.

Boomer!

xo,

cb